Dear freshman year,
I hated you. You gave me anxiety before we even started. I didn’t want to have anything to do with you. I often told myself, “I’m here to get an education, not make friends” when I saw students mingling with one another. No one wanted to mingle with me. I didn’t understand how people could just jump right into college and instantly find a best friend. I just drove to and from school, going through the motions of life. I went to class, worked, and barely ate because I was too afraid of spending money. I forced myself to make friends by joining a social club. I went through the longest week of horror to make meaningful friendships. Best decision of my life. #PhiLambdaOrLeave. Pledge week was when I truly learned the meaning of Philippians 4:13 in every way possible.
Throughout the first semester, I invested so much of my love, time, and patience in someone who is no longer mine. I was so attached to people I loved before and so afraid to love new people. I didn’t give the new people in my life a chance because I was afraid that they couldn’t accept me. Silly me. Why did I ever think this? Why did I ever do this? To learn that there were better people, places, and opportunities.
the middle of the year, you became tolerable. I found myself again. I found my purpose again. I live for meaningful, deep friendships and relationships. I live to love others even if they choose to not love me. I live for kindness and honesty. I didn’t just learn the life of Christ in the Gospels, how the Wife of Bath wanted women to have a choice in life, or how the sum of two squares is prime. I learned that in order for me to fully live, I must have friendships. Before the year began, I didn’t fully comprehend the definition of friendship until this year. Don’t get me wrong, if I want to keep a friendship I will make sure I keep it. There are just some people you can’t let go because they have been a part of you messy and hectic life for so long.
At the end of the year, I did not want to let you go. The encouraging thing about the end is it doesn’t have to end. It can comtinue. It can be a new beginning or the cliche term, a “new chapter in life.” I’m sad that most of my friends are leaving for their homes, summer internships, or adulthood while I am staying. I have nothing to leave for because all of my home is in Montgomery. It’s not home without my loved ones.
So, thank you, freshman year, for giving me so much anxiety, grief, joy, laughter, tears, and memories. You will be missed, but another year is coming along soon. I can’t wait to be reunited and to continue my life with stronger friendships, wise words, and a new found love for my life. See you soon.