Heartbreak. The most emotionally painful, mentally draining experience. It’s hard to believe at first. Is it real? Is this happening? There’s so much to process, and it is overwhelming.
I recently attended Sunday night worship service at a church youth convention. The lesson was relevant to today’s society, culture, and generation. I felt weird sitting in a sea of teenagers even though I am barely an adult. An invitation is always offered at the end of the lesson. People walk forward to confess their need for prayer, love, and strength in their life. There is so much humility and vulnerability when you publicly let the Church know that you are struggling. Watching these young people walk forward with tears brimming their eyes or a waterfall pouring down their face breaks my heart. It is an emotional time. While observing the whole scene, I think about what is going through each individual’s mind.
At first, you feel this immense, emotional pain. It’s a pain you cannot tolerate, a pain you cannot hold in anymore. All of the shame and guilt has been gathered in one spot, waiting to burst from too much of it. The first steps are the hardest. When you’re standing for the invitation song, there is a war inside of your head.
I know I did something wrong.
I can’t do this anymore.
I’m tired of feeling this way.
Your feet shuffled out of the row, your head hung low, hiding your shame. After breaking free from the row of people, you slowly make your way to the front. It feels like all eyes are on you. It feels like you are alone. You’re not. Others are right behind, shuffling their feet with you.
With shaking hands, you write down your response, asking for prayers of strength, peace, and comfort. At that moment, a weight has been lifted. It’s been done. You’ve shared your sin with others. You’ve torn down the walls and invited others in.
You’re not alone. We are supposed to share our burdens with one another. We are supposed to share our sorrow, joy, and trouble with one another. There is always someone going through the same situation you are facing. We are always trying so hard to be strong, and okay instead of being honest with our feelings. Some of us are better at hiding our feelings and emotions while others are open books, waiting for people to read our feelings. We are supposed to suffer.
Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. (1 Peter 4:12-13)
Our hearts are supposed to break.
God knows what a broken heart is. After all the beautiful and good work He’s done, His own creation shreds His heart to pieces. Can you imagine? We turn against Him after all the good things He has done for us. We refuse His love when we need it to most.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
I am overwhelmed by his never ending mercies and abundant grace. His love for us is so pure. I cannot comprehend how much He loves us and how much He desires us.
No matter how guilty, shameful, or dirty we feel, we are still wanted. A broken heart is a beautiful heart because it shows just how much you cannot do it all by yourself. At such a sorrowful time, there is always joy. Lord, please break my heart.