Blink. Blink. Blink. Blurry visioned, you turn over on your side to check your phone. Few messages, a couple of notifications. Cool. You look at the clock to see that you have a couple hours left in your morning. You should get up and be productive, but your body doesn’t move. You lay there with your eyes open. Awake. What now? After lying in bed for 30 more minutes of doing nothing, you sit up. Okay, good. You’re up. Now you sit there are about 10 minutes, blinking away the tiredness.
Why am I awake?
I rise up in the morning wondering what my purpose is for the day. Why am I alive? For some reason, I cannot get up in the mornings like I used to. I love the mornings and all of the newness and light it brings. I blame all of my sadness and laziness on the medicine I am currently on, or I just blame it on my hormones. I also blame my problems on the fact that I am a girl. Emotional, dramatic, and extra. That’s me.
This semester is going to be extra hard for me. I’m taking a semester off to work so I can afford going to a university that will help me reach my full potential. No shame, but I’m afraid. My hope is having people invest in me so I can invest in an education that will benefit my photography. I have all the anxiety and nerves in the world. Once I hear the results this spring, what’s the next step?
At a Christmas party, we went around the room and explained the best thing that happened in 2016. I said something along the lines of finding true friendship. The next question was, “What do you want to happen in 2017?”
I want all of my dreams to come true. I want to be happy.
It’s a basic and generic answer, but honestly, I just want to be okay again. I’m on my way there.
There’s a purpose in everyday. There’s a reason why your heart is beating. Find it. It’s hard waking up everyday trying to figure out what to do. You feel empty and hopeless. Sometimes we can’t control how we feel, but we can control how we respond. Make your day a day full of purpose by doing things you love. Do small things that make you happy. It’s more productive that staying curled up in bed and pitying yourself. Your purpose for one day may be to listen to someone talk about their life and your purpose for the next day may be making sure that you take care of yourself. There’s a different purpose for everyday.
One way I’m going to make my day a day full of purpose is to take a photo everyday and post it on Instagram. Sounds silly, but it’s a way for me to keep photographing when I don’t have a session and to keep thinking creatively. I just want to be surrounded and consumed by art. Photographing everyday would be a way for me to reach my goal and dream of being a successful photographer. My purpose in life right now is serving and loving others with my words and through my photography.
May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose. (Psalm 20:4)
I hope all of your hopes and dreams come true this year. Today matters. You matter. How will you find your purpose?