Living Broken


It’s taken me this long to come to a conclusion that living a life pretending to be something I’m not makes me happy.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart- These, O God, You will not despise. (Psalm 51:17)

Whenever I’m sad, I turn to this verse for comfort to affirm that I am okay. Where you are in your walk definitely plays into how you see God because every step provides a new point-of-view. Do you only praise God when He blatantly shows you a blessing? Do you curse God when things don’t go your way or when something bad happens to you? Sometimes we are blind to our own blessings.

Late one night, I was up talking to a friend about the Lord and what He is. As Christians we see Him as merciful, full of grace, forgiving, and loving. Others view Him as cruel and arrogant because He allows bad things to happen.

I could’ve prevented so much heartbreak and hurt if I did things differently. The Lord allows our hearts to break. Why does He want something so emotionally and mentally painful and exhausting to happen to us? Why does He want me to be burdened down with a broken heart and affected by guilt? Is this just another way that proves that God is angry and cruel?

It takes us getting hurt and broken to realize that we cannot do things our way. God is like the friend who says, “I’m not going to say that I was right, but come here. I got you.” It’s a humbling experience. He doesn’t want these things to happen, but there’s no other way for us to learn with these thick skulls.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

He allows broken hearts so He can draw near to us. I’ve been hurt and broken for so long because He wants me to find Him. I’ve had nights where I literally break down in tears because I don’t understand why my heart feels like it’s been shattered to a million pieces all over again. He’s the only one who can heal me from all of the hurt and brokenness of this world.

God is a gracious God because He allows us free will to do what we want but cautions you before He lets you go. If we view our Lord and Savior as an angry and selfish God because He isn’t verbal or visible when bad things happen, how do we see Him when good things happen? Our view cannot flip flop based on the situation. He wants us to be still and wait sometimes because if there’s a storm brewing and our faith is about to be shaken then our faith can be tossed overboard. If we were still in His presence, our faith would be as still as Jesus sleeping down in the ship in the storm because we have trust and faith in our Lord to be able to pick us back up.

Jesus went through so much heartbreak as well, so He understands what we are going through. He wept when someone died. He had compassion for the sick and the lost. His heart broke when Peter denied Him three times. He suffered and endured the cross for something He wasn’t guilty for. He became flesh to suffer and be tempted just as we are so He can help us. He did it all for us, broken, beated, and bruise, so we can have salvation through Him.

God is always present. Sometimes He wants us to learn by ourselves, to always choose Him when troubles come our way and to always choose Him when we can see our blessings. When you’re having the worst day of your life, just know that it can get better with just one prayer, one verse, and one friend.

For this is God,

Our God forever and ever;

He will be our guide

Even to death.

(Psalm 48:14)

Grateful for those who allow me to break down in front of them. I’m learning everyday from this broken heart of mine.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s